In July 2023, Lilly Jay did not ask to become famous. She did not release a statement, hold a press conference, or start an Instagram. She was a clinical psychologist. She had a baby who was less than a year old. And then her marriage ended in front of the entire world.
Her only public comment at the time was four words to Page Six. Those four words went viral.
Who Is Lilly Jay?
Lilly Jay is an American clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health and child development. She earned her undergraduate degree from Amherst College and went on to build a career focused on supporting women through pregnancy, postpartum depression, and infant loss.
She serves on the medical board of Riley, a science-backed parenting app designed to support new parents. Before her name became attached to one of the biggest celebrity scandals of 2023, she worked primarily with patients and stayed almost entirely off social media, a deliberate choice she has spoken about publicly.
She was not a public figure. Then her husband started filming a movie in England.
Lilly Jay and Ethan Slater: The Beginning
Lilly Jay and Ethan Slater met as teenagers at Georgetown Day School in Washington, D.C. They began dating in 2012 as college sophomores and moved together from Maryland to New York in 2014. They married on November 11, 2018.
By most accounts, theirs was a love story that had lasted more than a decade. Slater's career was rising quickly. He had become recognized for playing SpongeBob in the Broadway musical adaptation of SpongeBob SquarePants, earning a Tony Award nomination and a Drama Desk Award win. In May 2023, he posted on Instagram for Mother's Day, calling Jay "the most loving, caring, and wonderful mom and person in the world." She posted a birthday tribute to him on June 1, 2023, calling him "my incredible husband."
Six weeks later, everything changed.
The Public Unraveling
In July 2023, People magazine reported that Ariana Grande, who had separated from her husband Dalton Gomez earlier that year, had begun dating Ethan Slater. They had met on the set of Wicked, where Slater was cast as Boq alongside Grande's Glinda.
Within days of that report, Slater filed for divorce from Lilly Jay in New York. Their son had been born in August 2022, less than a year earlier. Jay had survived preeclampsia during that birth, a life-threatening complication that causes dangerous spikes in blood pressure. She had moved their two-month-old baby to England to support Slater's career during filming.
When Page Six reached Jay for comment, she gave them four words about Ariana Grande: "Not a girl's girl." She added that her family was "just collateral damage." The quote spread across every entertainment outlet within hours.
The Cut Essay
Jay maintained public silence for over a year. Then, in December 2024, she published a personal essay in The Cut titled "How Does My Divorce Make You Feel?"
She did not name Slater or Grande. She did not need to. The essay described being a new mother in England as her marriage quietly fell apart around her. "I really never thought I would get divorced," she wrote. "Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband's new relationship with a celebrity."
She described losing job opportunities in the aftermath of the tabloid attention. She wrote about patients canceling on her, about a job offer that disappeared after a new round of headlines. She wrote about her son, about learning to be a single mother, about the long private work of rebuilding.
"Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child," she wrote.
The essay was widely praised. Many readers said it was the most honest piece of writing to come out of that entire episode.
Lilly Jay in 2026
In June 2026, news broke that Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater had ended their relationship. The breakup was described as amicable by sources close to the couple. Grande had reportedly been single for several months before the news became public.
The announcement immediately brought Lilly Jay back into conversation. Three years after her marriage ended in front of the world, the relationship that replaced it was over.
Jay has not commented publicly on the breakup. She continues to work as a psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health. She and Slater share custody of their son and, by her own account, maintain a functional co-parenting relationship.
Lilly Jay Quick Facts
| Detail | Information |
|---|---|
| Full Name | Dr. Lilly Jay |
| Education | Amherst College |
| Profession | Clinical Psychologist |
| Specialty | Perinatal mental health, child development |
| Ex-Husband | Ethan Slater |
| Married | November 2018 |
| Divorced | September 2024 (finalized) |
| Son | Born August 2022 |
| Known For | The Cut essay, Ariana Grande controversy |
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Lilly Jay?
Lilly Jay is an American clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health. She is best known as the ex-wife of Wicked actor Ethan Slater and for her widely-read December 2024 essay in The Cut about navigating divorce in public.
What did Lilly Jay say about Ariana Grande?
In July 2023, after news broke that her husband, Ethan Slater, had begun dating Ariana Grande, Jay told Page Six that Grande was "not a girl's girl" and that her family was "just collateral damage." The quote became one of the most repeated celebrity lines of that year.
What happened between Lilly Jay and Ethan Slater?
Lilly Jay and Ethan Slater met as teenagers, married in 2018, and welcomed a son in August 2022. In July 2023, Slater filed for divorce after news broke of his relationship with Ariana Grande, whom he had met filming Wicked. Their divorce was finalized in September 2024.
Did Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater break up?
Yes. In June 2026, news broke that Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater had ended their relationship after approximately three years together. The breakup was reported as amicable.
Where is Lilly Jay now?
As of 2026, Lilly Jay continues to work as a clinical psychologist in New York. She serves on the medical board of the parenting app Riley and co-parents her son with Ethan Slater.